Today I was sitting in the back of a classroom in Allakaket, observing what was happening there. The purpose of my visit was to be a part of that school’s accreditation process, so I was looking for specific things, not necessarily evaluating the teacher or the students, but the whole culture and climate of the school.

While sitting there at the back of the class, after getting a pretty good sense of what was going on in that particular room, I noticed a bookshelf at my elbow, and on that shelf was the immortalization of my first year teaching. There was the book, Eagle Blue, about the boys basketball team of Fort Yukon, Alaska, during the 2004-2005 school year. There is was. Chapter 5: The School.

I picked it up and read that chapter today for probably the third or fourth time, the first time in at least five years. I remember the day that Michael D’Orso, the author of Eagle Blue, came in and observed in my classroom and took copious notes. After it was over, I remember thinking that the class could have gone worse and was relieved.

Reliving it again today through D’Orso’s words, I cringed. That was not teaching at the highest level. That was not student engagement at its best. That was me, surviving from day to day. And that, dear universe, is what got recorded for all time. Thanks.

In my defense, I can say that I am a more effective educator today. Today, I would have done it differently and done it better. And that means that I am moving in the right direction. May I always say of yesterday that I am doing it better today. And as for the rest of the characters in Eagle Blue, I sincerely hope they can say they are happier with their lives now than they were when their lives appeared in the pages of that book.

I came across this list a few years ago, though I don’t remember exactly where. It apparently comes from a denominational tradition with which I am less familiar, as evidenced by some of the terms and local names, but I get the spirit of the items, and I think you will too.

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1. Oh, it’s Lent, and you know you’re supposed to do it, so do it. Give up chocolate. No chocolate until Easter. Think how that chocolate bunny will taste that day. 2. Like the Kingdom, turn the values upside down, and take up chocolate for Lent. One piece a day. But only one. When you want more, give thanks, for now you have been found worthy of the struggle. 3. That person you have meant to call, call them. 4. That person you have meant to write, write to them. 5. That person you have meant to apologize to, apologize to them. 6. Turn off the lights in the house when the sun sets, and watch the soft darkness come. 7. Get up one half-hour earlier and read a devotional each day. 8. Stop every time you are about to go through a door and make the Sign of the Cross, for Our Lord said “I am the door.” 9. Come to a Sunday service you don’t usually come to, and introduce yourself as a visitor would. See what happens. 10. Sit in a different place in church. 11. Come sit in the sanctuary on a weekday afternoon and watch the light in the stained glass windows. 12. Talk to somebody you don’t know on Sunday morning. 13. Get in the slowest or longest line in the store and give thanks for the chance to wait. 14. Find a tree and say a prayer for it each day, waiting for spring. 15. That thing, that activity you know you should stop, stop. 16. Every Thursday evening, stop, light a candle, and slowly tear a piece of bread in two. 17. Spend one night in the rescue mission. 18. Eat at the Stone Soup café. 19. Sit in the emergency room lobby and say a prayer for everyone who walks by. 20. Go for a walk. 21. Turn off your cell phone. 22. Go to Denali Center or the Pioneer Home and find somebody sitting by themselves. Sit with them. 23. Ride the city bus and see where you go. 24. Go to school one Sunday in a different church. 25. Find a lay Eucharist minister and go with them when they visit. 26. Send a thank you note to someone each week. 27. Don’t use the “close door” button on the elevator; it will close anyway. 28. Open the bible and read the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds to the day of the month. 29. Turn off the television. Especially when THAT show is on. 30. Write on your calendar one good thing that happens each day. 31. Ask if you can serve during the service by greeting, reading scripture, or taking the offering. 32. Come back on Sunday afternoon and clean the church. 33. Find an open AA meeting and stop in. 34. Fast, meaning “stop eating before you are full.” Discover it is possible to control desire. 35. Watch one [sled] dog race, and notice how focused and excited the teams are. 36. Go visit grandmothers and ask them to tell you a story. 37. Find one person you are taking for granted and say “thank you” to them. 38. Buy/find one nail and carry it in your purse or pocket. Bring it to church on Good Friday. 39. One meal a week, join the rest of the world and have only several spoonfuls or rice. 40. Invite someone over to visit you and have a cup of coffee or tea. 41. Go visit that person you haven’t seen in a long time. 42. Find a rope or string and tie it in one hundred knots. Now pray “thank you” one hundred times each day. 43. Kneel beside your bed and say prayers each night. 44. Call the church office and ask, “What can I do to help?” 45. Don’t do one think that you should do. 46. Deactivate your Facebook account. Just until Easter. 47. Try learning an instrument, a new language, or a new skill. Remind yourself how hard it is to learn something new. 48. Avoid the internet for a day. 49. Tell your best friend that they are. 50. Sing something outside your door each morning to greet the new day. 51. Go look at the infants in the maternity ward of the hospital, and think about you being that size; think about God being that vulnerable. 52. Bessie Barnabas used to walk to St. Matthew’s from Salcha; walk to church one morning. 53. Turn off the computer, turn off the television, turn off the radio, turn off the music, turn off the cell phone and sit there. Listen to your breathing. 54. Make a small campfire, make campfire tea, and sit outside to drink it. 55. Go sledding down a hill. 56. Come by the church one night when it is dark, and kneel on the choir steps when there are no lights on in the church. Notice how the halo around the icon glows in the dark. Notice how the altar cross shines in the dark. Notice the flames of fire in the cross. Notice how they are blood red. Wonder at what cost the “I love you” from God is given to You. Realize you have had to do nothing to earn it. It is, as all true love, a gift. 

This morning, Toby was the first one awake. He padded down the hall, squinting in the bright light of the kitchen where Stephanie and I were talking. “Mommy,” he said, “I had a dream about me and Jacob and Dad.”

“Oh yeah? Was it a good dream or a bad dream?” she asks.

“A good dream.”

“That’s great Toby. What was it about?"

“Me and Jacob were playing bugs.”

“What was Dad doing?”

“He was zapping us.”

Well, that sounds about right. 

I've been thinking about life and work lately. Always. Which has led me to sketch out this little chart you see below. This is obviously not iron clad. I don't know if I'll still want to go this direction in a couple years, much less do I know if these opportunities will be afforded to me, or if life might impose some other plan. Still, looking down this road as far as I can, it makes sense to sketch out at least the most rudimentary plan, just so that I have something to aim for and something to let me know if I'm on the right track. 

It does lead to a few interesting observations. First, Sarah, my currently youngest child, will graduate from high school in the year 2026. I'll be 52. And eligible for retirement with full benefits. Second, a career doesn't look very long when set out on paper like this. And third, I'll hopefully still have a lot of life left at the end of this chart. My plan is to still be going strong well after 60, and I don't think I'll be racing to join the remote and recliner club in Boca Raton. And so I wonder what life, and particularly work life, will look like in those years. Maybe I'll go hike the AT. This little chart may be pretty amusing to revisit then. 

* Teacher Retirement System.