The original plan was to drive to Fairbanks today to retrieve Stephanie and the kids from their flight from Texas. This past week, however, Stephanie changed their tickets to return on March 29th. It was a mutual decision, and as much as I’m gonna whine about it  over the next two months, I encouraged her to stay. Still, that’s three whopping months of solo me-o time.

Since Sandra – our new elementary teacher – flew in to Circle last week with nothing more than a couple of suitcases, I told her she could ride to Fairbanks with me to get some groceries. I remember what it was like being in Fort Yukon and having to wait for days for the chance to fly to a city and buy some essentials. We drove in the morning, did some shopping, and left for home before six. I got two hours into the drive – to the back side of Eagle Summit – and encountered drifted dunes of snow covering the road. I wanted to get home and was sorely tempted to crash through it with a vengeance, but I didn’t want to risk getting Sandra stuck on a mountain in the wilderness until sometime the next day during her first week in Alaska. We turned around and drove the two hours back to Fairbanks. Sunday morning we drove the three hours back again. That’s ten hours in the car, just for a trip to the grocery store.

Since I’ve been here in the house alone, I’ve been keeping up with the housework and not totally living like a slovenly bachelor. Except for folding the laundry. I hate folding the laundry. Tonight I cleared out the pile of clean clothes. Toward the bottom of the pile were a few items from before our holiday travels. I came across a pair of Toby’s pajamas. It was a little blue and gold waffle weave jumpsuit with a tiger on it. I was reminded of what a beautiful boy he is. How small. How much I miss him. It occurred to me – for the briefest moment, what it must be like for a parent who has lost a child. What must it be like to have to see each item that holds a memory. I take comfort in knowing he’ll be back soon enough, and I offer prayers of thanksgiving for him and the rest of my family.